Life gets weird sometimes. And when it does, you’ve got to put on your leopard-print panties, stick your neck out, and do something a little different. So on this spontaneous Sunday morning, we got in the car and drove to Oakland Zoo.

We finally spotted someone taller than dad. (Dean is 6’5)

Milo wasn’t all that excited about the sprawling safari smackdab in the middle of the urban compound, until we played I-Spy. I started at close range, “I-Spy a rock. I-Spy a fence. I-Spy a sassy girl.” Then we increased our depth of field and he gave me an ecstatic “I-Spy jurafff”! Still for a 2-year old, I think it looks like just another page in the board book.

But Milo went ape-shit in the petting zoo. I felt like a derelict mom running after him with a camera while he chased these guys, stuck his finger in their butts, smack-petted them and tried to make up for it all by feeding them delectable sticks, weeds and rocks.

But isn’t this too cute below?

Little buddies

Simpatico. Just two little souls in our big metropolitan meadow.

Then… on to the baboon exhibit which is always a hit–although we couldn’t see the new baby girl up close. I lifted this pic taken 4 days ago by local press:

Mom and Baby Kodee (1-month old) – photo credit to Bay Area News

The other baboons lounged around picking bugs from each other coats, trying to look sexy with their Jupiter-sized hemorrhoids.

Inspiration for Fall Fashion 2017

Apparently, their swollen red butts indicate an increase in hormones. It’s also a way of attracting mates, and the redder they are–the opportunity for more offspring.

Speaking of attraction, I still do not believe all the scientific crap “proving” that we evolved from apes. Although I do believe in something called microevolution. But the primate family tree, c’mon, I mean if you look at a baboon real closely and then hold up a picture of Josh Duhamel:

You be the judge.

So, anyways, after all the hairbrained fun, we meandered up to an open field near the parking lot to find an explosion of strollers, diaper bags and human children running amok between parents holding coffee mugs and ziplock snack bags.

Then I saw something, something just not right. At first glance, just an educational sign, one of those expensive ones tucked off the walkway between some trees. The headline said ‘Hayward Fault’ then went on to explain how we were standing on top of it in that very spot. WHERE THE CHILDREN ARE PLAYING, completely oblivious. The sign went on to give the history saying it was part of the San Andreas Fault system, like check out this cool piece of trivia. Like how baboons are found in Yemen and Saudi Arabia, and how elephants shed real tears like humans.

HELLO. The last major quake for this fault line was in 1868 and they are due every 140 years. We are now at 145 years! So why in the hell have we built a gathering spot for the most innocent generation of our breed on top of a major fault line?

There are some f*cked up things in this world that I just don’t understand.

But I suppose in the meantime, I’ll go on about my business walking on two legs instead of four, making peanut butter squares and posting pics of assholes.

– Your eternal optimist

Lady Baboon